no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
