Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
