we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
