Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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