that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
