hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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