Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
