she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
