I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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