Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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