Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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