Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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