i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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