people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
