all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
