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Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I deserve this hangover.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
