What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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