hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
