One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
