Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
