Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
