dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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