she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this will be a night to untag.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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