Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
