You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
