i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
