I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
