he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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