i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
