How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
