I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
