she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
