why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The uberlube is also flammable
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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