OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
