I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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