this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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