youre lurking in front of me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
