It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
