I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
