I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
