On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize