I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
