Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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