The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
