apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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