fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you made out with another girl for some wings
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
