she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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