Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They took my balls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
