I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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