You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
