Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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