one two three fourrrrnication!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
