Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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