I can text with my tongue
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
