My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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