he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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