I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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