Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
