tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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