If i come over, it means nothing
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
