She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
love makes seman taste better
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
