what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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