if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
