I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
