is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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