Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
