That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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