I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
