I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
