i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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