You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The best revenge is premature balding
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
