this beer tastes like vomit already
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
