every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Small penises have feelings too.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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