It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
