I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
